The end of a relationship can often feel like the end of the world, particularly if it was a long-term relationship. Often when relationships end, women find themselves stuck in the “what might have been” and trying to determine what went wrong and why. You may even fear your next relationship thinking that the end result will undoubtedly be the same. It makes no difference who ended the relationship, in order to get over it you must learn the steps in moving on with your life. This is a new stage in your life and there are ways that you can envision this new life for yourself and begin to trust your instincts again.
First, you should never look at an ended relationship as a failure. Just because you are no longer in the relationship does not mean that you failed in any way. Beating yourself up over the things that you should have said or done is no way to move on with your life. Instead, look at past relationships as learning experiences. They can give you the understanding that you need about what you do and do not want in your next relationship. You should never tell yourself that you were better off without this relationship either. Use this time afterwards to contemplate what in the relationship made you unhappy and why it did not work out. Now, do not take this as a chance to dwell. Never dwell on the unhappiness. Simply use the experience to figure out what you really want and what will really make you happy. This can be your opportunity to learn what did not work and to determine how to do things differently in your next relationship.
Now, once you have that conquered; know that it is never healthy to dwell in the past. Instead, you should look toward the future. It is so easy to get caught up in the past, particularly in the first few days or weeks after the relationship has ended. Once you have decided to move on and look toward the future you will begin to heal and you can begin to determine what you really want in life and what your future may hold. Set goals for yourself and work to achieve them. Zig Ziglar, the motivational speaker, often said that he had never met a person who had goals for their life and who was also depressed. This is because those who set goals have too much to do to be drawn into depression. Take small steps, but do take steps to set your goals and decide what it is that will truly make you happy.
Never, ever play the blame game. Do not sit and blame your ex-partner for the faults in your relationship, even if it was truly his fault. In any relationship that ends, there are faults on both sides. Even if you do not see the truth in this, it is much healthier to just let things go instead of dwelling on blaming someone else for your misery. You will not begin to heal if you insist on clinging to faults and blames. You need to instead focus on things about yourself that you can change. You will have resentments and anger issues that you feel you simply must express, but it is much better that you let these things go and begin to heal so that you can move on to your happiness. Take responsibility for your part in the relationship. This means that you must accept some things about yourself that you do not want to see. This can help you to lay the foundation for future relationships and ensure that you are getting everything out of them that you want.
Finally, embrace lost relationships and see them for what they really are - a chance to learn and change yourself for the better. It may be painful to hear, but everything that happens to you is a direct result of the choices that you have made. If you are unhappy in your life, then make new choices, set new goals and restructure yourself to be truly happy. You may have to accept blame for the lost relationship. You may also simply need to be grateful for what you have and forget worrying about what you do not have. Although you may be tempted to get caught up in the “woe is me” and ingest that gallon of Rocky Road ice cream in the freezer, remember that these feelings will not last forever. The sooner you get up and get started with moving on, the sooner you will find that you have true inner happiness, which is vital in making your future relationships work.